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rajah_lost_one
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Name: Rajah
Location: Iowa, United States
Birthday: 12/6/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: getting baked with my loved ones, biking, music, acting, dancing, most of all dancing
Occupation: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/12/2003
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| - 6Alot has changed since I last wrote. I don't know who I've become since I last said "hi". "The One" has left me, not that it was much of a bad thing. We will always be friends and shit, and I'd rather have a friend than an enemy. But times get tough. I mean to the point that some times I don't know whether to go by my instincts or my gut feelings. I'm seeing some one, but I know that it will never be serious, so I don't want that person to feel as though that person is thinking they are in "love" with me. Not that I'm concieted or anything, but that's what most guys tend to do when they "start to see me". I don't know what to do. I'm just going to let time takes it's toll. Peace. | | |
| - Going Under
shit
that is how I feel today and yesterday and tomorrow, so I've come to bitch. But then, what else is new? I want to scream, yell, throw something, run away, something instead of sitting here and not talking. That's what's happening right now, he's right there, yet I can't reach him. And I'm tired of it. I'm happy where I'm at, but I know I could be happier if we were able to talk about things that he won't talk about. I can see why he won't talk to me, but still he gets very distant when he is like this, and I don't know what to do to make things better. I can't say or do anything right. Sometimes I want to give up, but I'm not ready to be without him.
A single pink rose, with a hand made note. What a sweet thought. ha, yea, ok, never mind. | | |
| - Break some offwell, things that I have wanted to write about for the longest time.
LOVE
This girl I work with asked me my definition of true love. I told her I think true love is when you would rather lay next to your loved one that have sex, to just lay there in their arms, or when you can laugh during sex, and not a cruel or sarcastic laugh, but when you can laugh and look in his eyes and see love and friendship at the same time, thats true love.
some times I wonder about him though, I get really self-concience about him and me. I wonder if he really wants to be with me, but then he says something or does something so sweet and unexpecting that I dont wonder, but I still think that he might be playing me, its a thought that crosses my mind so often, because the past has done that to me. I have been used before and it still torments me, because I lost trust. and trust is a very big thing in relationships. I trust him, but then i have a very imaginative mind, and that usually gets the best of me. lol, I sound crazy sometimes. and writing has always calmed down my wild mind.
WAITING
He stared at me deeply,
I said "not just yet".
He told me he understood
and held my body tightly.
My eyes dropped down,
as his hand went to his pocket
lingering on the bulg.
He said he could wait,
But I wanted to scream out...
"YES, I WANT TO SAY YES!"
but my silence was louder.
He knew my reasons
for wanting to wait.
The ring stayed in his pocket,
when it should have been on my hand.
This was just a little thing I wrote while I was in Indiana during Christmas, waiting to finally come home. I honestly dont know where it came from, it just came to me. I hope you all enjoy. | | |
| Well, it's another white day in Iowa, and I'm as bored as they come. My life is lookin better though. I have a good job, Mike and I are good, and we might have found a place to live on our own. From the way micheal talks about this apartment, I'm fallin in love with this place. Not much else has changed, besides that my mother is still bein a bitch. Found out she bought my car out from underneeth me, so I have no car. But one good thing is that my mother and stepmom have agreed on a friendship. After 16 years of always fightin and bitchin, this was their first time every talking on the phone without yellin or fighting. So thats looks good in my eyes. | | |
| - Deconstruct Well, I made it back from Indiana and Florida, and in one piece. I'm happy because I'm back in my Micheal's arms. I was so scared that he would have changed and may have wanted to do less with me, you know, not want me anymore. I was wondering what would have happened to me in my pathetic life. I'll never know why I just don't be relaxe and except that nothin is going to happen to me that's too horrible for me to handle.
I really don't have much to say, besides that I'm back and just happy to bein his arms again. I'll be back on later not sure when exactly. peace. | | |
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